Despite how much “it makes so much sense” and how much time and money you’ll save, living with someone is a serious decision to make. Don’t underestimate it. I’m on the other side and I realize that yeah, it was a big deal, it is a big deal. Sometimes I wonder if I rushed into it. This is one of those sometimes.

If you asked me if I wanted to live with someone 8 months ago, 12 months ago, or 2 years ago I would have always said the same thing– hell no. The thought of having to be around someone, good days, bad days, pms-ing, it sounded like a disaster waiting to happen. Just the thought of having to ask someone if they too want Mexican food for dinner made me cringe. But after dating for several months, we got to the point where living together was the most logical next step. Our leases were up, we were spending most of our time together, so why should we both pay rent? Why should he have to drive 2X his normal route to hang out? Things were going so well.

It made sense.

Don’t get me wrong, it still makes sense, but actually living together is a massive change for anyone who’s lived alone. Someone who spent years doing whatever they want, whenever they want. They’re suddenly thrown into the habits, the varying expectations of/for many different things, sleep patterns, the division of labor, communication styles, patience, silence, and the list goes on.

The biggest change about living with someone, for me, is that you’re agreeing (accepting?) that your relationship is at a certain level of seriousness. I’m not saying this is always the case, people live together casually, this is just my own experience. So for me, this seriousness takes it’s deepest form in decision making — thinking about another person in everything that you do, and expecting it in return.

This is where I get to my fear of narcissism. When I don’t feel thought of, my gut reaction is pure selfishness. I know, I know, an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but it feels awful when he forgets about me. It’s only human to want to even the score, right? I don’t act on it 99% of the time but damn if I don’t consider it.

So what do I do? Should I act based on what’s good for me, or what’s good for the relationship? I feel at war with myself. Do I want to change for this relationship? Is that what growth is? Can I somehow do both? I’m scared of losing myself.

Am I a bad friend?

Thanks to social media, I found myself contemplating whether or not I’m a bad/good friend. Seeing photos of close friends, having drinks, professing their friendship, I felt lonely and jealous. Since I moved to Minnesota from Pennsylvania, I’ve learned that I’m not the kind of friend who consistently calls, remembers to send a birthday card…

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A quick rant on Lively

“Made by women, for women.” I had high hopes when I went onto their website. Comfort AND style. But for some reason I expected this company to showcase people of all shapes and sizes. If Lively truly is made by women, for women, I expect their models to represent a wide variety of figures, of…

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El Taco Riendo

The Place: El Taco Riendo The Food: Chicken Chimichanga, Chicken Fajitas. Vegetarian options available! The Drink(s): Mexican Coke The Atmosphere:  Casual The Service: friendly, quick The Spendyness: $ –  large portions for the price Bike Friendly: yes – in the way that all places are bike friendly Dog Friendly: no – it’s an indoor restaurant Bonus — it’s right down the…

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Ft. Myers Beach

April 2017 – first vacation together This is why I created this site; April was only 4 months ago and I can’t remember most of the details from our trip.  I do remember the desperation for warm weather and a moment in the sun. First of all, we were really lucky that we could take…

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Pryes Brewing Taproom

July 2017 The Place: Pryes Brewing Taproom The Food: Red Wood’s Bar-b-Que, courtesy of Red Wagon Pizza. Tasty, but very small and generally kind of average for the price.  The Drink(s): Imperial Red Ale, Foreign Extra Stout, Miraculum The Atmosphere: relaxed, surprisingly quiet (went around 8:30 pm) The Service: friendly, quick The Spendyness: $$  –  $12…

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San Fran + Sonoma

June 2017 San Francisco was a blur – we had less than 24 hours in SF before we needed to head into Sonoma for a happenstance meeting with my friend from high school (that’s some small world shit right there). We were determined to get the most out of our limited time. In 24 hours…

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